Is this the new political party you’ve been looking for?

Fom IPR comments:

NOVEMBER 17, 2008 (Berkeley, Calif.) — The Protestant Stalinist Party of America (PSP) today announced that comrade Yuri Titov won election as President of the United States of America, receiving 99.9% of all votes cast in the November 4, 2008 general election in the United States.

“Our congratulations to comrade Titov,” said Beatrice Bassingworth, General-Secretary of the Party and Chair of the Central Committee. “Unfortunately, due to the machinations of the imperialist insects in the Democratic, Republican, Green, Constitution, Libertarian, Socialist Workers, Socialist, Boston Tea, Objectivist, Prohibition, Reform, Pacifist and New American Independent Parties, comrade Titov’s vote total was suppressed.”

The PSP has announced its intention to file suit in Toledo Traffic Court seeking to block the certification of Ohio’s electors on the grounds of electoral fraud. It will also seek to have comrade Titov’s 1979 Ford Fairmont released from impound where it was placed due to non-payment of parking tickets.

For more information on the PSP, visit protestantstalinistparty.blogspot.com

# # #

The Protestant Stalinist Party is America’s largest political party with more than 38 million registered members. Since its founding in 1685 it has represented the rights and dreams of American workingmen and workingwomen in a spirit of peace, international solidarity and class equality. The current General-Secretary of the Protestant Stalinist Party is Ms. Beatrice Bassingworth.

Furthermore, the party spokescomrade has announced that “On behalf of the Protestant Stalinist Party I would like to announce we have officially given Wayne Allyn Root our endorsement for King of Nye County, Nevada.”

Reactions so far have included the following:

The Catholic Trotskyist Party, while agreeing with the Protestant Stalinist Party on the idea that a combination of marxism and Christianity is beneficial for world civilization, must harshly criticize the Protestant Stalinist Party’s methodology and principles. The Catholic Trotskyist Party has much more dedication to personal civil liberties, the strength of the family, and the strength of government welfare. It will not make an alliance with the Protestant Stalinist Party in any situation, and it disendorses Wayne Allyn Root for any office.

The Catholic Trotskyist Party chairman would also like to reiterate that the chairman of the Protestant Stalinist Party is a different person from himself. He suspects that it might actually be Libertarian Joseph or Jim Davidson.

I, as chairman of the Catholic Trotskyist Party, promise that there will be a Catholic Trotskyist website soon, even though I have repeatedly promised it for the past year without delivering. We are confident that the Catholic Trotskyist Party of America would contribute more posts to this site than the Protestant Stalinist Party. Things will get a lot more complicated soon, however, as there are rumors that someone is about to start a movement known as the Mormon Maoist Party, and there is also talk of an Islamic Buddhist Bukharinist Party, as well as a Greek Orthodox Castroist Party.

The PSP responded,

The Protestant Stalinist Party rejects this false assertion by the parasitic fascist insect and asserts that the chairman of the PSP is, indeed, the same person as the chairman of the CTP. We also call on the CTP to disband immediately.

The CTP fired back:

The CTP rejects the allegation that it is a fascist insect. Catholics and Trotskyists in fact did more to fight fascism than many other groups. Stalinists aided the rise of fascism by attacking the trotskyists, many of whom were real Catholic Trotskyists, in the Spanish Civil War. The CTP again reiterates that it has never used any other account on IPR, and calls on the Protestant Stalinist Party to disband immediately. It would also like to know what denomination of Protestantism it subscribes to. Episcopalian? Methodist? Baptist? Presbyterian? Lutheran? It is a recipe for splits.

Soon, more voices joined the conversation…

The Maoist Scientology Party — the fastest growing party in the WORLD — would like to chastise the criminal and blasphemous Catholic Trotskyist Party and denounce it truly as an agent of the Dark Lord Xenu and his Galactic minions.

Only through the teachings of his Holiest Revolutionary Chairman Mao Zedong and its inevitable marriage to the teachings of our Lord L. Ron Hubbard will true happiness and peace make this world clear of psychiatry, invasive body thetans and evil suppressive persons, such as the vile Catholic Trotskyist.

Woe and pain unto this villain and his false philosophy! Praise unto our Lord L. Ron Hubbard and His prophet, Tom Cruise! May his Maoist revolution live for all time!

May the Lord L. Ron Hubbard strike down this blasphemous suppressive persons and their false psychiatric minions. Woe unto them!

May they join their lord Xenu under the impenetrable forcefield of exile for all time!

Blessed is the Lord Hubbard and His prophet Tom Cruise! May the Maoist Revolution live forever in their name and clear away all Thetans!

Amen.

The Maoist Scientology Party hearby denounces the new Protestant Stalinist Party’s website as a vile tool of the Dark Lord Xenu and his psychiatric minions!

Woe unto them! May Tom Cruise in his wisdom smite them clean of thetans!

And:

Guys, at first I was reluctant to form my own party. After all, I believe a party is a group of like minded people joining together to achieve a goal.

But then, I began to understand, as Ron Paul said, ‘there is no law against joining more than one party.’ In my arrogance, I never understood you could work for conflicting goals, in multiple places, that my need for consistency, mere sophmorism.

But, even being freed from this idea, I there was still that issue of a party being a ‘group’ of people.

But now I’ve come to understand, that in a transpolitical world, we must free ourselves of old school restrictions. And at last I’m truly free.

Free to announce the formation of the Orthodox Christian Andropov party.

Yuri Andropov had no real influence on Marxist thought, and his reign as the head of the Soviet Union so short, he will always be a bit of a footnote. But his complete lack of relevance, I’ve also come to understand, to be his Paulian genius.

He was also the only premier to die of total renal failure.

And so…. the Orthodox Christian Andropov Party, free from any particular beliefs whatsoever, I think is positioned very well to compete in the new transpolitical world.

We reject the sentiments of all previous posters, unless they coincidentally agree with our own, or, and this is key, you really want to believe them, in which case, we support you in doing so.

Soon, there was a takeover….

The Protestant Stalinist Party hereby announces it has merged with the Orthodox Christian Andropov Party. Any subsequent statement by the previous poster in contravention to that fact is denounced as bourgeois propaganda.

This merger was quickly condemned….

The merger of the The Protestant Stalinist Party and its vile brethren in the Orthodox Christian Andropov Party only serves of further evidence of their allegience with bourgeois suppressive psychiatrists and their Dark Lord Xenu!

We suspect these groups to be under the sway of the Criminal Pig Catholic Trotskist Party, secretly a bourgeois Atheist organization run by suppressive persons!

May they grind under the heel of the Maoist Scientology Party and it’s glorious socialist revolution under the banner of our Lord L. Ron Hubbard and His prophet, Tom Cruise.

There was a swift reaction:

The Protestant Stalinist Party hereby announces it has merged with the Scientology Maoist Party and the Catholic Trotskyist Party. The new party will be named “the Protestant Stalinist Party.”

As always, any subsequent statements by previous posters in contravention to that fact is denounced as bourgeois propaganda.

There was a coup, or counter-coup, or something…

Scientology Maoist Party announces that those breakaway factions in its ranks that sought to align itself with the growing and blasphemous Protestant Stalinist Party have been executed.

May their blood send a warning to the world to those that seek to undermine the O.T. Level 8 proletariat and the revolutionary teachings of Chairman Mao and our Lord L. Ron Hubbard.

We also announce that the Catholic Trotskyist Party is hearby disbanded and its membership absorbed into the body of the righteous Maoist Scientology Party.

Praise to our Great Teacher Mao Zedong, Our Lord L. Ron Hubbard and His prophet, Tom Cruise.

Woe unto the false bourgeois suppressive philosophies of Catholic Trotskyism and Protestant Stalinism!

Amen.

Stay tuned for further developments….

41 thoughts on “Is this the new political party you’ve been looking for?

  1. paulie cannoli Post author

    Damn. Right after I blew my load on this one …

    http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=081117081954.3llxw5rz&show_article=1

    Australia is about to get a new entry into national politics — a party devoted to sex.

    The brains behind the Australian Sex Party, which will be launched in Melbourne on Thursday, believe that politics has become too stuffy and conservative Down Under.

    Describing itself as “serious about sex” the party sees itself as a political response to the sexual needs of Australians in the face of moral campaigners and prudish politicians.

    Party convenor Fiona Patten, who is head of the national adult retail and entertainment lobby group the Eros Association, said the trigger had been the government’s decision to place a mandatory filter on the Internet.

    Under the plan, designed to shield children from online porn and violence, Internet service providers will have to filter out pornography and other material deemed inappropriate in their feeds to houses and schools.

    Users wanting access to uncensored material would have to opt out of the service, the government said when it announced the plan in January.

    Patten was scathing of the move, which she said would damage the porn industry, arguing that material that was deemed acceptable 20 years ago would now be banned.

    “This filter actually blacklists any adult site so it means that material which is absolutely legal for an adult to buy in a newsagency in Australia, they will be prohibited from viewing it online,” Patten told AFP on Monday.

    To counter what she termed the conservative, Christian politicians behind such legislation in Australia, Patten said the industry had determined: “If we can’t beat them, join them.”

    “We want to be in there putting the position which I think is probably (that held by) the majority of Australians, that, yes, by all means protect children, but do not in that way reduce the Internet to a G-rated Internet,” she said.

    G-rated films in Australia are approved for all audiences.

    Commenting on a recent case where a company was forced to remove billboard ads for a medication promising “longer lasting sex” because of a large number of complaints, she said an “absolute fear of the word sex” had developed.

    “And it’s just crazy,” Patten said. “Sex is as natural to us as food. It’s a necessary part of our lives.”

    And politics, she might add.

  2. Catholic Trotskyist

    The Catholic trotskyist Party is glad at the interest that is developing throughout this site in the Holy New Bolshevik Catholic Obama Revolution. However, its worries have come true in that stalinist, maoist, and non-Catholic religious forces have come together to co-opt it. The PSP even developed a website just hours after coming into existence. The CTP is offended that the PSP did not mention it among the conspiring parties. The CTP is willing to come to an alliance with the Protestant Stalinist Party and the Orthodox Andropov Party against the Maoist Scientiolist Party, because this party is a defilement of our Lord Jesus Christ and the truth of socialism. The CTP is also attempting reconcilliation by establishing the Protestant Trotskyist Party and the Catholic Stalinist Party. There is also rumors that the Jewish Muslim Kruschevist Brezhnevist Party will soon be established. And yet there is still no plain Leninist party!

    The CTP also disendorses this Australian pro-sex party, and sentences its members to 100 extra years in purgatory, amen.

  3. Mike Gillis

    You can’t disendorse anything, CT.

    According to this reputable news site, your party has already been split up and absorbed into two larger parties.

    The Catholic Trotskyist Party doesn’t exist anymore.

    In fact, how can I trust you’re the real CT? I bet this response is a trick of the Protestant Stalinist Party or those Mao Scientologists.

  4. Catholic Trotskyist

    There was indeed a coup, but now that I have returned, I have revoked the merger, and the Catholic Trotskyist Party has been refounded now, just as Catholicism and Trotskyism have remained throughout the past decades despite so much adversity. Mike, I was never serious when I called you and your hero Nader stalinists before, but with your spreading of these outdated lies about the most Holy Catholic Trotskyist Party, it appears that you are working with the Protestant Stalinists! But perhaps you have a plan to hijack the Protestant Stalinists and return stalinism to its atheistic roots.

  5. Protestant Stalinist

    BREAKING NEWS

    After 323 years as America’s largest political party, and with 38 million currently registered members, it is my sad duty to inform this site that the Vanguard of the Central Committee of the Protestant Stalinist Party has just voted to disband the party.

    The party’s membership rolls will be seconded to the Catholic Trotskyist Party, thereby increasing that party’s membership to 38,000,001. All assets of the PSP will be transferred forthwith to the Catholic Trotskyist Party, except comrade Titov’s 1979 Ford Fairmont which will be donated to the National Revolutionary Museum of Protestant Stalinism in beautiful Seacaucus, New Jersey.

    Though our party has survived 323 years of tumult and capitalist aggression, the current schism between the anti-imperialist forces on this blog made us realize that we must unite to stop the parasitic menace of fascist corporatism. Also, we forgot the password to our new website so will not be able to update it any longer.

    Solidarity!

  6. Catholic Trotskyist

    I appreciate the unconditional surrender and un-stalinlike behavior of the Protestant Stalinist Party. Though throughout your 323 years you were only active for a few hours, you contributed a lot to political history, and your members and assets will be gratefully accepted. We hope that the other new revolutionary parties will follow suit.

    God bless the state, God bless the church, God bless the Obama/Biden administration, and God bless Proposition 8. Amen.

  7. .28gauge

    Stalin:”How many divisions does the Pope command?”

    USSR: 1917-1991 (couldn’t even get a full century in)
    Roman Catholicism: 30 AD – ?

  8. Trent Hill

    That would just be Catholicism. Roman Catholicism didnt exist until the Great Schism in 1054.

  9. Maoist Scientology

    The Maoist Scientology Party rejoices at the death of one of its rivals, the reviled and repressive Protestant Stalinist Party.

    Now all that remains is the activation of saboteurs inside the blasphemous and bourgeois Catholic Trotskyist Party, to bring about their downfall.

    Vengeance on the enemies of socialism and Scientology! Cursed be the servants of the Dark Lord Xenu!

    Praise be to Chairman Mao, the Lord L . Ron Hubbard and His prophet, Tom Cruise.

  10. Mike Gillis

    Longevity does not equal quality. Plenty of nasty things have lingered for years before going away.

    Slavery. Polio. Strom Thurmond.

    And alot of wonderful things are so brief. Like Arrested Development only getting three seasons.

  11. Trent Hill

    Mike gets quote of the day.

    “And alot of wonderful things are so brief. Like Arrested Development only getting three seasons”

    I own each season.

  12. JimDavidson

    I wish to reiterate here that I had nothing to do with any of this. Very funny stuff. You guys are hilarious.

  13. Trent Hill

    The only way that sentence could’ve been improved is if you said “Arrested Development only getting three seasons, and Firefly getting cancelled”

  14. Mike Gillis

    You know, I was THIS close to mentioning Firefly. In retrospect, I wish I’d tossed that in there.

    Great show.

  15. Protestant Stalinist

    BREAKING NEWS

    The Protestant Stalinist Party Alumni Club, an association of former members of the now-defunct PSP, this evening announced its intention to begin raising funds with the goal of eventually opening a theme park in Seacaucus, N.J. aimed at teaching a new generation about the storied history of America’s most noted political party, the PSP.

    The Protestant Stalinist Party alumni club has formed a strategic alliance with Procter & Gamble by which that company will secure naming rights to several of the new park’s attractions in exchange for a monetary contribution to construction costs. Current projects scoped under the new partnership include:

    – the Gillette Red Banner Roller Coast

    – the Oral-B Sonic Complete Dental Cleansing System Reformation & Revolution Fun House

    – the Duracell-brand Workers & Peasants Liberation Food Court

    Please standby for more information.

  16. Protestant Stalinist

    Trent – I will require the above information be posted to the main section of the site. Thanks for your prompt action.

  17. johnlowell

    Cattrot,

    Was nothing said by these swine about your enduring commitment to democratic centralism? Did they think that by making such an omission that you would be discredited among progressive, peace-loving peoples everywhere? How long did they think that you would tolerate wreckers and saboteurs in your midst without calling for the attention of the security apparatus. These worms deserve every penalty the Peoples Courts can mete out.

  18. Catholic Trotskyist

    Exactly John Lowell, thanks for coming to my defense and restoring sanity here, as long as you are able to. I continue to receive signs that perhaps I should deemphasize my socialist ideals and become a non-ideological Catholic, but like the rest of humanity, I keep backsliding in my resolve to maintain orthodoxy. All of these new socialist parties, attacking my good name, have definitely made me think more seriously about my options.

  19. rdupuy

    It’s been a while since the Orthodox Christian Andropov party has spoken out, and so there are a few points of clarification in order.

    First, contrary to expectations we fully support anyone who chooses to believe that we have merged with the Protestant Stalinist party.

    However, the balance committee has reported an issue has in fact arisen around this subject. (The balance committee, is a short hand way of referring to the Committee to Ensure that We Hold No Particular Positions) . They report, that the party has, in fact, currently gone out of balance.

    The majority of our membership, it seems, holds the viewpoint that the merger never took place (these members will now be referred to as ‘merger denialists). Despite repeated assurances that they support others rights to believe the merger took place, a party lopsided with so many merger denialists, is simply not in tune with our principles of balance.

    Therefore we will now be undertaking a recruitment effort. In particular we are looking for members, who believe our party no longer exists. Please come forward, if applicable.

  20. Maoist Scientology

    The Maoist Scientology Party is proud to receive coverage on even a blasphemous suppressive site. Their attention speaks of their fear. Fear of the truth we represent!

    They too, will be dealt with in time. They will be crushed by the inevitability of Mao’s revolutionary teachings and the righteous power of Dianetics!

    Praise be to the power of working people and the power of O.T. Level 8! Praise be to Chairman Mao, Lord L. Ron Hubbard, and His prophet, Tom Cruise!

    May their bayonets run red with the blood of Catholic Trotskyism!

  21. Maoist Scientology

    The Maoist Scientology Party announces the impending destruction of the vile and repressive bourgeois Anonymous and their blasphemous website!

    They will be crushed under the righteous batons of the new socialist Scientologist order!

    Working people unite against those who would spit at the Truth of the Holy Master, L. Ron Hubbard. Cursed be their children and their wives! May the bayonets of the righteous O.T. Level 8 proletariat run red with the blood of Xenu’s servants in anonymous!

    May their lies turn to dust in their mouths! Vengeance on the enemies of socialism and scientology! Woe to Anonymous!

    Our E-Meters are no longer set to “Stun”!

    Praise be to L.R.H. and Dianetics. Praise be to Chairman Mao and his holy revolution! May the prophet Tom Cruise, in his wisdom strike you clear of your body thetans.

    Amen.

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