Winner Party keeps on winning

Two years ago today Wes Benedict reported on the launch of the Winner Party:

Washington, D.C.—April 1, 2013—In the wake of maximum sustained interest in a real political party that cares most about winning elections, the Winner Party blasts off to victory with a salute to Honorary Chairman Dr. Scott Lieberman.

Says the visionary and Executive Detractor of Winner, “With one big bang, the Winner Party has taken the lead in America having the most elected officials of any political party—more than even the Republican and Democratic parties combined!”

When asked how this was accomplished so quickly, Executive Detractor responds “We have a big tent policy. Every elected official in America is automatically a member upon election to office. All currently elected officials are grandfathered in as members as well.”

According to Wikipedia, “A political party (from Latin: pars, Genitive partis, ‘part’, ‘portion’) is a political organization that typically seeks to influence, or entirely control, government policy, usually by nominating candidates with aligned political views and trying to seat them in political office.”

The Mission Statement of the Winner Party: To move public policy in a winning direction by building a political party that elects winners to public office.

“Mission Accomplished!” said Executive Detractor.

The platform is three letters: Win.

The Winner Party boasts more than 500,000 elected officials nationwide, more than the Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians and Greens combined. “That’s because we include independents as well” explains Executive Detractor.

What about jurisdictions and political parties that forbid membership or affiliation in more than one political party? “Winners transcend politics as usual. Nullify and fuse.”

When asked, “what about elected officials that do not want to be members of the Winner Party,” Executive Detractor responded, “you can quit using any procedure you want, but you have to quit yourself; you can’t resign for other people.”

Executive Detractor provided the following express resignation procedure. Simply copy and paste the following statement into any online website or blog posting:

“I ___________, am not a Winner.” (Insert your name into the blank).

The Executive Detractor is not an elected official, and therefore is not a member of the Winner Party. Honorary Chairman, Dr. Scott Lieberman, also is not an elected official, but was granted an Honorary Lifetime Membership in the Winner Party which was founded, without his knowledge, to honor him.

I just ran a quick check on what’s new with the Winner Party since then, and little has changed. They still have a remarkable 100% track record of picking winners and nobody but winners. They still have more winners than all other parties combined. And they still have the shortest platform of any political party we have ever heard of.

The Winner Party’s motto: Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.

They also have a theme song: We are the champions (no time for losers)

4 thoughts on “Winner Party keeps on winning

  1. Martin Passoli

    I predict they will beat the Loser Party in every single race again this year and next year.

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