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Florida counting thousands of write-in votes for a pair of drunken clowns

A pair of cantankerous old drunks who spend a large amount of their time sitting around a bar in Tarpon Springs, Florida, are being credited with thousands of votes for President. Despite not appearing on the ballot in Florida, John “Gary” Nettles and his running mate, William Bradford “Brad” Krones, have apparently beaten Alan Keyes, Green candidate Cynthia McKinney, and candidates from the Boston Tea Party, Objectivist, Prohibition, Socialist, and other parties.

How? Well, they were the only qualified write-in ticket in Florida. And it seems that some counties are screwing up and reporting all of their write-in votes as votes for the Nettles/Krones ticket.

If you’re surprised, think how they must feel

The Man Who Would Be President doesn’t have a cell phone. Or e-mail. Or a computer.

On the state’s Division of Elections Web site, he lists a home address and number in Tarpon Springs. But a woman who answers says, “He doesn’t live here. I just let him stay here for a while.”

She doesn’t know where he has gone, or if he will be back. And no, she is NOT going to vote for him.

Just after 4 p.m., the vice presidential candidate drives to campaign headquarters, hoping to run into his running mate.

“I’m sure he’ll show up here soon,” he says. It’s almost Happy Hour.

Yeah, this was a somewhat less than serious campaign.

And yet they outpolled Ralph Nader, Bob Barr, and all the rest of the minor candidates in Orange County. And have pulled in thousands more votes from Miami-Dade, Broward, and a handful of other counties.

If these results are certified, the Nettles/Krones ticket will have outpolled (at the national level) 13 other candidates who appeared on the ballot in at least one state. That includes the Boston Tea Party’s Charles Jay, Gene Amondson and the Prohibition Party, George Phillies, independent Jeff Boss, Ted Weill of the Reform Party, and many others.

If a few more counties report their write-in votes as votes for Nettles/Krones, they’ll very likely overtake Socialist candidate Brian Moore.

As of this morning, the Florida Division of Elections credits Nettles/Krones with 4,267 votes, all from a handful of counties. Most other counties correctly report 0 votes.

About Post Author

Austin Cassidy

13 Comments

  1. paulie cannoli paulie cannoli November 15, 2008

    I read the article, and found no evidence that they are idiots. Drunks, yes.

    But then again, have you ever hung out with the political class after hours?

  2. paulie cannoli paulie cannoli November 15, 2008

    By the way, running as write-ins was actually a (perhaps unintentionally) brilliant move.

    I am going to guess that the reason that there were not more qualified write-ins in Florida was that actually getting printed on the ballot was not too much harder: the same number of signatures, but in addition they all have to also register to vote with your “new party.”

    Nettles and Krones could easily have made up a party name and got a few dozen of their friends and acquaintances around town to register to vote with, say, the Happy Hour Party.

    If I had known how the write-in procedure works in Florida, I would have advised Charles Jay to go that route. Hopefully I’ll remember this one.

  3. Austin Cassidy Austin Cassidy Post author | November 15, 2008

    Charles Jay was on the ballot though.

    Also, I thought the rule with Florida is that the party must be qualified in one other state. So you couldn’t just create a party out of thin air unless you also qualified it in one other state.

    I’m not a ballot access law expert though, so don’t quote me.

  4. paulie cannoli paulie cannoli November 15, 2008

    Charles Jay was on the ballot though.

    Yes, partially because of me. But from looking at this, it appears he would have been better off filing as a write-in.


    Also, I thought the rule with Florida is that the party must be qualified in one other state. So you couldn’t just create a party out of thin air unless you also qualified it in one other state.

    I think you are correct. Forgot about that.

  5. mscrib mscrib November 15, 2008

    the Happy Hour Party.

    Brilliant!

  6. Bill Lussenheide Bill Lussenheide November 15, 2008

    Republican Plants I tell ya!….

    Secretly supporting the McCain campaign through liquor consumtion and aiding the McCain owned Hensley & Co. Anheuser Busch empire.

    Where is Prohibitionist Gene Amondson when we really need him??

  7. Steven Druckenmiller Steven Druckenmiller November 15, 2008

    But then again, have you ever hung out with the political class after hours?

    Maybe you can regale us all with how much smarter you are than the average prole.

  8. paulie cannoli paulie cannoli November 15, 2008

    Huh? Having gotten drunk with politicians, staffers, lobbyists and the like makes me smarter than the average prole? LOL

  9. mscrib mscrib November 15, 2008

    Paulie,

    It’s funny–that’s what a decent chunk of NW D.C. seems to actually believe…

  10. paulie cannoli paulie cannoli November 15, 2008

    Yes, but I’ve gotten drunk with all kinds of people, and they are no better than any other clique.

  11. Fred Church Ortiz Fred Church Ortiz November 15, 2008

    Can you give us the gist paulie?

    I enjoyed the vid of him kicking that one guy’s ass in a debate a few months ago.

  12. paulie cannoli paulie cannoli November 15, 2008

    The gist does not in any way do it justice. The thing that makes Zhirinovsky’s rants entertaining is their rantiness, more so than any gist.

    But, since you asked: the main thrust of his thesis was that Obama’s victory would turn the US into something like a Marxist third world banana republic, and that this is a good thing for the rest of the world as it will take the US hyperpower off the world stage. He predicts racial cleansing of whites out of the USA, among other things.

    Getting further off topic (and equally far better than the gist), here is Zhirinovsky dressing down a Moscow policeman:

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