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Austin Petersen Will Announce His Candidacy for President Tonight on the John Stossel Show

Austin Peterson

The Raymore Journal
September 25, 2015

Down to earth, literally a meat and potatoes kind of guy, Austin Petersen, a 1999 graduate of Ray-Pec, will officially announce his run for the Presidency of the United States tonight on John Stossel’s program that will air at 7 PM on Fox Business news. Petersen, who will run on the Libertarian ticket, took time out of his busy schedule to set down with his hometown newspaper for an interview.

Majoring in Music Theater at Missouri State University, Petersen had no inclination for politics initially. “I never really wanted to be a politician,” he said. At the encouragement of a growing grass roots group of people likeminded with him, Petersen decided to run. “If we look at the options we have right now, they are pretty dismal. I’m intensely interested in the ideas of freedom and liberty. I thought maybe this would be an opportunity for me to articulate to the American people what it really means to believe in limited government, constitutionalism, free markets and capitalism.”

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About Post Author

Jill Pyeatt

Jill Pyeatt is a small-business owner and jewelry designer from Southern California. She currently serves on the Judicial Committee of the Libertarian Party of CA. She can be found on Facebook and Twitter.

36 Comments

  1. paulie paulie September 28, 2015

    If you watched what’s on the website that is not the latest episode.

  2. Jed Ziggler Jed Ziggler September 27, 2015

    So I watched the episode of Stossel I think he was supposed to be on, and he wasn’t on, unless it was in the first few minutes of the show that I missed.

  3. paulie paulie September 27, 2015

    Not sure what you mean by “claim….if.” I posted the link to the video and approximate time stamp above; check it for yourself.

  4. George Phillies George Phillies September 27, 2015

    The claim is that the candidate allegedly said “You *** piece of ***, you couldn’t even approach 1/4 of the *** that I *** in on a regular basis. It’s because I have class, ***!” – Austin ‘Mountain Dew Camacho’ Petersen

    If he said that, he is entirely unfit to serve.

  5. Chuck Moulton Chuck Moulton September 27, 2015

    I don’t think many readers would be interested in 8th grade math. But feel free.

  6. Jill Pyeatt Jill Pyeatt Post author | September 27, 2015

    Chuck–if you fix that, I’ll consider putting this comment up as an article!

    Seriously.

  7. Chuck Moulton Chuck Moulton September 27, 2015

    Oops… superscripts and subscripts didn’t work. I’ll fix that at my normal
    computer in an hour.

  8. Chuck Moulton Chuck Moulton September 27, 2015

    Austin Petersen said (YouTube video with Chris Cantwell):

    You couldn’t approach even a quarter of the pyramid pile of pussy that I’m swimming in on a regular basis… It’s because I have class mother fucker.

    Let’s use this as a learning experience. Supposing Cantwell’s pyramid pussy pile is proportional to Petersen’s pyramid pussy pile (that’s a tongue twister!), how much taller is Petersen’s?

    Recall the volume of a pyramid is (1/3)Bh where h = height and B = area of the base (whether that be a triangle or a square or whatever).

    The area of the base varies as the square of the length of a side. The easiest example to see this is a square: A = s2, where s = the length of a side. The same general principle applies to triangles, etc. For simplicity, we can use square base pyramids.

    Let the volume of Austin’s pussy pyramid be:
    VA = (1/3)sAsAhA

    Let the volume of Cantwell’s pussy pyramid be:
    VC = (1/3)sCsChC

    We are given that “[Cantwell] couldn’t approach even a quarter of the pyramid pile of pussy that [Petersen is] swimming in on a regular basis”.

    Therefore:
    VA > 4VC
    (1/3)sAsAhA > 4(1/3)sCsChC
    sAsAhA > 4sCsChC

    But due to proportionality we know (x is a an unknown multiple we seek to find):
    sA = xsC
    hA = xhC

    So:
    xsCxsCxhC > 4sCsChC
    xxx[sCsChC] > 4[sCsChC]
    x3 > 4
    x > cube root of 4
    x > 1.5874

    Therefore, Austin Petersen’s pyramid pile of pussy must be more than 58% taller than Chris Cantwell’s pyramid pile of pussy.

  9. paulie paulie September 27, 2015

    I’ll post any clips if/when I can find them. I was out working while the show aired so I haven’t seen it yet.

  10. Joseph Buchman Joseph Buchman September 27, 2015

    So did he actually appear on Stossel? Anyone have a link to audio? I’d be willing to type a transcript and post it here . . .

  11. Chuck Moulton Chuck Moulton September 25, 2015

    He told me he plans to visit a lot of state conventions, but the Massachusetts convention was too short notice.

  12. George Phillies George Phillies September 25, 2015

    We invited Petersen to our State Convention on October 17, for the Presidential debate. He declined. He does not have the money to travel.

    When I ran for President, the first thing I did was to drop $100,000 of my own money into my campaign account.

  13. Richard Winger Richard Winger September 25, 2015

    The FEC form for initial filing is extremely simple. It just asks for the name and address of the candidate, and party affiliation if any, and the name and address of the treasurer if the candidate has a treasurer. It seems odd anyone would need an attorney to help with this first form. Of course the actual campaign reports that follow are much more complicated.

  14. Jed Ziggler Jed Ziggler September 25, 2015

    “Austin ‘Mountain Dew Camacho’ Petersen”

    I’d be more inclined to support Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho for the LP nomination. After all, he is a five time Smackdown champion AND a porn superstar.

  15. Deez Nuts Deez Nuts September 25, 2015

    Chris Cantwell or Megyn Kelly?

  16. Nicholas Sarwark Nicholas Sarwark September 25, 2015

    He couldn’t have said it to a nicer person.

  17. paulie paulie September 25, 2015

    Via FB discussions. Haven’t asked whether the author wants to be quoted so I won’t say who said it,

    “Hi, I’m Austin Petersen and I’m running for president with The Libertarian Republic. *cough* I mean the Libertarian Party.”

  18. NewFederalist NewFederalist September 25, 2015

    “You tubby piece of shit, you couldn’t even approach 1/4 of the pyramid of pussy that I swim in on a regular basis. It’s because I have class, motherfucker!” – Austin ‘Mountain Dew Camacho’ Petersen

    Wow! I hope he gets a crack at Megyn Kelly! He might just be able to trump The Donald!

  19. paulie paulie September 25, 2015

    He said that to you, Paulie?

    LOL, no, to Cantwell. It’s in a podcast around the 4 minute mark.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VuyHvaqd3w

    He could have said that to me, though. My batting average is way, way, way down from the glory days of my youth. Although I would bet my lifetime score is still way higher. He’ll have to keep puffing away to catch up, but he has time.

  20. Chuck Moulton Chuck Moulton September 25, 2015

    Austin phoned me last night to ask for my support in convention. When I asked about his lack of filing with the FEC, he said he is working with attorneys to make sure everything is correct before submitting the paperwork.

  21. paulie paulie September 25, 2015

    via FB Nicholas Sarwark Austin hasn’t filed his FEC Form 2 (or at least hadn’t earlier this week when I checked), so he’s not listed on the official LP web page.

  22. paulie paulie September 25, 2015

    “You tubby piece of shit, you couldn’t even approach 1/4 of the pyramid of pussy that I swim in on a regular basis. It’s because I have class, motherfucker!” – Austin ‘Mountain Dew Camacho’ Petersen

  23. paulie paulie September 25, 2015

    Thanks, updated

  24. NewFederalist NewFederalist September 25, 2015

    I guess I’ll have to watch Stossel tonight. He sounds like the best of the lot so far.

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