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Gary Johnson changes position on immigration, challenges Trump on who can build a bigger and better wall

feelthejohnson

On the heels of his reversal earlier this year regarding the issue of Sharia law, LP Presidential nomination incumbent and front runner Gary Johnson has revealed that he has also rethought his long held beliefs on the issue of immigration. Johnson, who recently told media that he has used marijuana within the last week, explained that he had an epiphany while ingesting a large quantity of cannabis earlier this morning. He has now concluded that the American marijuana industry needs protection from Mexican competition, and that the best way to keep out cheap, low quality Mexican weed from infecting the superior US marijuana gene pool is by building a giant wall on the border, using a revolutionary technology he has patented for making bricks out of industrial hemp. The notoriously frugal former NM governor has revealed that the wall will be built at a very reasonable price using private prisoner labor, along with bonds issued by his campaign manager who, he explained, does not expect to really ever get his money back.

Johnson, who turned a one man handyman business he started in college into New Mexico’s largest construction company, guaranteed that he can build the wall “bigger and better” than Republican front runner Donald J. Trump, whom he called a “pussy.” In an exclusive interview just after midnight Gov. Johnson promised, “America, elect me as your next president, and I guarantee that the wall will be finished one year from today!”

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Wang Tang-Fu

5 Comments

  1. Stewart Flood Stewart Flood April 1, 2016

    So was there actually any real news today?

  2. steve m steve m April 1, 2016

    I would argue that having a President build a wall might be the best use of that individual’s time, as long as he is doing all the construction himself.

  3. Election Addict Election Addict April 1, 2016

    I hope that underwear is real.

  4. Krzysztof Lesiak Krzysztof Lesiak April 1, 2016

    I fell for the headline, lol, and even up to the “epiphany while ingesting a large quantity of cannabis earlier this morning” part.

  5. Brad Brad April 1, 2016

    OK…

Comments are closed.