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Libertarian Party: Time To Be Grateful to Government For All It Does

DATELINE: Washington, DC

In an anonymous press release leaked to IPR earlier today, the National Libertarian Party announced it is “turning over a new leaf” and will now be focusing all its efforts on praising the US government for what it does right.

The release reads in full:

“As Libertarians, we are accused of being recalcitrant and obstinate. We don’t play well with others and we fight amongst ourselves.

“Today, we wanted to change that. Today, we wanted to do something nice for once.

“The Libertarian Party is officially turning over a new leaf. Instead of bashing the government, the 117th Congress, and President Biden, we wanted to highlight their successes.

“We know change is hard, but we are committed to loving our government. After all, we know these accomplishments took a lot of hard work and all of these politicians deserve to be recognized for their efforts.

“In no particular order, we are grateful for:

  • The passage of the Consolidated Appropriations Act of 2022 (to the tune of $1.5 trillion);
  • Maintaining our record as the country with the highest incarceration rate in the world;
  • Congress taking a hard line and refusing to legalize adult-use cannabis;
  • The federal government’s forced resignation/termination of thousands of unnecessary healthcare workers due to vaccine mandates.
  • Congress prioritizing spending over reforming our immigration laws;
  • Then, Congress raising the borrowing limit to allow for more spending;
  • Making supply chain issues worse by making it impossible for people to bypass the issues due to crippling regulations (these regulations have been around for a while, but we couldn’t fully appreciate them until now).
  • Carrying the dollar to brand new heights of inflation;
  • AND MANY, MANY, MORE.

“Everyone makes noise when politicians make mistakes but rarely do people say “thank you” for a job well done.

“To government officials everywhere, thank you for everything you do to make our lives better.

“Sincerely,

The Libertarian Party”

The media release concludes with a DONATION button which can be found HERE.

About Post Author

Joseph Buchman

Joe is a retired, formerly tenured professor of marketing and finance with a passion for adventure travel, chasing total solar eclipses, and Burning Man. He is a long-time volunteer with the Sundance Film Festival, former Chair of the Utah Libertarian Party, former Chair of the LP Platform Committee, and former Chair and three-term member of the LP's financial Audit Committee. Joe and Cindy have raised four highly successful children, several cats, and yet have generally failed miserably with every houseplant ever gifted to them.

10 Comments

  1. Nathan Norman Nathan Norman April 1, 2022

    That’s not even remotely funny. Is this the best IPR has to offer for April Fools?

  2. Anastasia Beaverhausen Anastasia Beaverhausen April 1, 2022

    In other news, the Mises Caucus filed a complaint with the JudComm over the incrementalists’ failure to include underage use of cannabis as a basic human right.

  3. Robert Milnes Robert Milnes April 1, 2022

    Is that all there is?
    Is that all there is?
    If that’s all there is, my friends,
    Then let’s keep dancing.
    Let’s break out the booze
    And have a ball.
    If that’s all there is.

  4. Ron Paul Caesar Ron Paul Caesar April 1, 2022

    Wow. I didn’t realize you were a fan of Satanic music.

  5. Jared Jared April 1, 2022

    “Cops must be unleashed and allowed to administer instant punishment!”

  6. Robert Milnes Robert Milnes April 3, 2022

    RPC,
    Would you be so kind as to explain how you consider these lyrics to be satanic?

  7. Robert Milnes Robert Milnes April 3, 2022

    RPC,
    I still do not see satanic lyrics.

  8. Ron Paul Caesar Ron Paul Caesar April 3, 2022

    It is now obvious why they call you Rabbi Milnestein.

  9. Robert Milnes Robert Milnes April 3, 2022

    RPC
    So Lieber and Stoller are jewish. So what?
    If lyrics are written by a jew, they are satanic?
    THAT is your explanation?
    Wow. I didn’t realize you are a moron.

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