Former US President Bill Clinton joins Libertarian Party

In a move that few, if any, people saw coming, former US President William J. Clinton is set to announce today that he is joining the Libertarian Party. Clinton first hinted at his new political direction back in 1997, but Libertarians didn’t believe him, and not long afterwards called for his impeachment.

“What really did it for me this time was the recent “Monday message” from LP communications director Donny Ferguson that said winning is the most important principle,” President Clinton told IPR’s Paulie over a few lines of coke in a Bessemer, Alabama truck stop restroom. “That’s been my view for many years, and I’m glad to finally find a political party with the balls to say it openly.”

Clinton acknowledged that people may be skeptical of his conversion, but he pointed out “look at my old nemesis Bob Barr. Back in 2002 y’all were working to get him out of Congress. By 2006 he was on your national committee, and two years later he’s your Presidential candidate. If Ol’ Bob can do it, why can’t I?” He also pointed out that former Democratic US Senator Mike Gravel switched from running for the Democratic Party Presidential nomination to that of the Libertarian Party just last year while remaining consistent in his views.

Bill mentioned that he is working on getting his wife Hillary to switch as well, pointing out that she was a Goldwater girl in 1964, and that her best bet to beat Obama in 2012 will be in the general election rather than in the primaries. He also sent a shout out to Alan Greenspan for introducing him to the works of Ayn Rand.

Asked about his future political plans, Clinton told Paulie that he was considering running for LNC as well as a future run for US Congress, and will be starting a new civil rights organization to repeal the 22nd Amendment to the US Constitution. “I was hoping to be appointed Ambassador to the UN, but Obama’s being a total dick about it,” he said. “Just because I was the real first black President doesn’t mean he has to be that way.”

21 thoughts on “Former US President Bill Clinton joins Libertarian Party

  1. William Mize

    And in other news, Dick Cheney burns his Republican Party membership card and joins the Green Party, PETA, NOW, ACLU and the Chuck E Cheese Birthday Club.

  2. Sean

    How about ones like:
    Alan Keyes admits he makes his money by continually running for office.

    Politician accidentally treated like common citizen in government office becomes enraged, joins the and vows to undo the government bloat.

  3. Gene Trosper

    Just by reading the headline, I knew it was a joke…but then again, politics is a sick joke.

  4. paulie Post author

    Bill also told me he was attracted by the party’s statue of liberty logo. He said, “I always thought she has a pretty mouth.”

  5. paulie Post author

    Very good! But did you forget to ask Clinton about his opinions on the Catholic Trotskyist Party and the Protestant Stalinist Party?

    There’s only so long two guys can have a conversation in a truck stop restroom before creating too much suspicion.

  6. Stewart Flood

    You should have placed the conversation in a bar.

    Even better — you should have said that it was an embargoed conversation that you had with him at the bar while at the LSLA in February, and that you were allowed to publish it now that Clinton had defected.

  7. Michael Seebeck

    Stewart, that wouldn’t work. Clinton got disbarred, remember? πŸ™‚

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