Modern Whig Party Nominates Zombie Henry Clay for President

While the 2014 midterm elections are just now getting into full swing, the Modern Whig Party has made a bold, proactive step and held their nominating convention early, and have nominated Henry Clay, the original Whig Party leader who died in 1852 and was reanimated earlier this year, for President of the United States.

“This may seem like a highly unusual choice, and some may question Mr. Clay’s eligibility for the office,” said Andrew Evans, chair of the Modern Whig Party. “However, we’re confident that even in his current, rotting, undead, flesh-starved state, Henry Clay meets the Constitutional Requirements for the Presidency, and will make an excellent commander-in-chief.”

“Clay brings a lot to the table.” Said T.J. O’Hara, the party’s 2012 candidate. “He’s got a ton of experience, he’s a true statesman, and with the growing popularity of The Walking Dead & the zombie genre in general, we’re confident that Clay’s message and centrist principles will resonate with voters. This is a great day for Whigs!”

The party has been trying to get Clay up to speed on current events. Since his time the nation has grown from 13 colonies to 50 states, slavery has been abolished & we now have an African American president. However, when this reporter pressed the ex-cadaver for comment, Clay merely moaned and requested “BRA-A-A-A-A-INS”.

In related news, the Prohibition Party’s attempts to reanimate John Bidwell remain fruitless.

8 thoughts on “Modern Whig Party Nominates Zombie Henry Clay for President

  1. William Saturn

    Henry Clay was born in 1777 and died in 1852. He was not around during colonial times. When he died, there were 31 states; the latest being California, admitted in 1850.

  2. Richard Winger

    Rand Paul might be helped, in his quest to have the Kentucky legislature pass SB 205 so that he can run for both US Senate and President in 2016, that Henry Clay ran for both president and US Senate in 1824. He carried Kentucky for president and he won his US Senate race in Kentucky.

  3. Mark Axinn

    I had a neighbor in the 90’s named Henry Clay.

    Nice guy. Great-great-great (don’t know how many) nephew of the great Compromiser.

  4. Andrew Evans

    LOL…nice April Fools Day article! Loved the brains part. Hey Nixon’s head I a jar was able to run for president on Futurama! 🙂 I am just wondering if I will get any contacts from people or media who think this might be serious. Either way funny stuff.

    Andrew Evans-National Chairman
    Modern Whig Party

  5. Jill Pyeatt

    I just took the time to read this (you know how busy I’ve been shopping today.) This is hilarious! Good job, Jed!

  6. paulie

    Thanks for the Green Party article. The Green Party’s Henry Clay is the most functional fusion candidate for President in 2014.

  7. paulie

    Loved the brains part.

    I guess he was noticing how unbelievably brainless today’s people are.

    I am just wondering if I will get any contacts from people or media who think this might be serious.

    Please let us know if you do.

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